Cammo Style Love: Excuses only go so far.....

Friday, June 22, 2012

Excuses only go so far.....

Its been going around today so I thought I would jump on the bandwagon, since apparently that's what I'm doing these days *wink wink*.  Two other wonderful articles I read concerned the National Guard spouse who got the media involved in her lack of an R&R were on Spouse Buzz and Army Wife 101, and mine isn't as good as theirs.  But, what's a blog for if it isn't for expressing ones own feelings and venting out some annoyance.  I have been a National Guard gf/fiance/Spouse (of various standing - Active Duty for almost the whole time) for 10 years.  I have never lived on or near a base until about six months ago.   I've never been to an FRG meeting, or had a pre-deployment briefing or meeting, or post deployment anything.  I learned right away that the military is in charge when my wedding occurred four months later than I wanted (Yup I moved around a good 'ole fashioned white wedding for the military).  My husband was basically my only guide and example for about four years before I really became close with any fellow mil-spouses, and they weren't close to me anyway (distance wise).  He set the example for me.  He explained things to me, and helped me through when I was frustrated with the change.  I quickly learned that was the plan in the military.  The plane WAS change.  It became a joke in our house, humor to deal with the insanity.  I'm not a betting woman, but I would lay a whole lot of money down on the fact that many military families cope with life in this same way.  The military is the mistress, the other woman, and so on and so on.  Taking this military life became really important to me and I experienced a lot of things most younger and new spouses did not experience and quickly became a senior spouse because of experience.

Another thing I came to realize is that though my husband is not alone, a lot of husbands don't convey the importance of things properly to their wives.  There are a lot of amazing husband and wives, and girl friends and fiance's out there that do.  I know I'm not alone, and I know there would be another girl/guy out there that would totally understand what I'm saying when I say, "I may not get to wear his rank, nor do I deserve it, but its just as important to me as if it was mine."  His career is important to me, and being insanely involved with my husband and understanding the in's and out's has been one of my ways of coping.

Now that I've blathered on and on, let me get to the point.  The point of this is the National Guard spouse in question. If you haven't already seen or read the article you can go here and check it out yourself.  Personally I'm wondering more about her husband than I am her, although I am definitely questioning her actions 100%.  Something wasn't talked about.  Something wasn't explained.  I wonder also about this feeling of entitlement that I feel like may or may not be occurring in this situation.  The military won't even guarantee your husband home for your child's birth, so I'm pretty sure an R&R doesn't rank up there in the Things To Do category.  But I also question her need to rush to the media?  Did she do this on her own?  I mean, did she just get so incensed, and without checking on things that figuring out what's what, she just immediately went there with it?  Did she not consider what may happen to her husband when its seen that she's talking like she is and demanding apologies not just from the Army, but from the Pentagon?  Really?  I get that she may be uneducated and far away from support, but so are lots of people that go through crud that don't do this.  Common sense has to come into play at some point.  I feel bad for her, I feel bad for her kid.  It's sad.  My kids have been through a lot of disappointment, but I explain to them in an adult way and I talk about what an honor it is to sacrifice for their country.  Sure I'm real and we say it totally sucks that daddy isn't here.  I don't live life looking through rose colored glasses, but I try to make life as rosy as I can for the kids.

I guess that's my point really, in these last few words that I say.  I get it, and you're not alone, but I feel like excuses only get you so far.


  1. Agree with you for sure!! Some people amaze me :)

    1. thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

  2. I have to agree with you. I feel bad for this woman too, but at what point did she deem this situation worthy of going to the media? And did she do it with her husbands OK or on her own? I have been significantly more concerned about the possible (and likely) backlash her husband may suffer at the hands of her poor decision.

    As far as guaranteed R&R, that's a joke. The military is not obligated to provided R&R and only began doing so all the time around the time 14 month deployments became the norm. I don't know about all branches or how it's dealt with everywhere else, but my husband has always made it clear that R&R is not a guarantee in the USMC and if you aren't going to be gone for 14 months, you can pretty much guarantee it ain't gonna happen at all, not even a hit of a maybe.

    1. you're right, its not a guarantee and I think we've become sort of spoiled, if you can even couple that word with deployment and military, but you know what I mean! LOL

  3. I think going to the media over this is a little extreme, seeing as how I'm pretty positive she isn't the only one this has happened too. I can understand it's hard when you're National Guard and don't have the support that the Active Duty family get. I'm surprised she didn't think this through and think about the backlash that could happen for her husband.

  4. I'll go ahead and disagree. I'm a new Navy spouse and have never lived on a base or near other Navy spouses. What I know about how the Navy works comes specifically from my husband... Who seriously gets annoyed if I asked him questions based off of 'Oh I saw that Army/Air Force does X, so don't we do X?'. He constantly impresses on me that all services and all communities and all jobs are different. At this point I feel like unless he tells me the information, it doesn't pertain to our situation. Which can be frustrating...

    Anyway, my thought is that if the Army told its personell that they would have leave, and families made plans, then why shouldn't the Army have to keep its end of the deal? This family could have bought plane tickets, booked hotels, booked a cruise, et cetera.

    Of course, I have had to cancel things like hotels and plane tickets because of issues stemming from my husband's work as a Navy officer. And so far we've always been able to send a copy of his orders and get refunds or vouchers.

    I know that lots of military spouses have dealt with this issue - but to me it seems like one of those 'badge of honor' things: "I had to deal with this shitty situation, so should you!"

    But why does it have to be that way?

    Why is it wrong to hope to change the status quo? Maybe that's what this milspouse wanted to do...

    I don't necessarily think it's good for morale or family life to dangle promises of leave and then take them away. Why can't we as a community pressure the various branches of the military to honor their words, espeically when we've spent money we might not be able to get back?

    Seriously - do we really think the military is good at planning ahead?? Do we think they're efficient? I don't. I think DOD havs such a big budget that it is allowed to waste resources unnecessarily. For all we know, the leave for these troops was cancelled based on poor planning (shocker)... And how does the saying go? Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part!

    1. let me just say I totally understand and I actually I agree with everything you say! I think most people would, even the lovely ladies up top that agreed with me. But "The Girl" is right, its not guaranteed. It never has been. And most companies have a military clause in purchases, which I know isn't a consolation. Maybe I've just become complacent because its been so long. But that's not to say that I don't get pissed off about changes and mix-ups. Believe me I do. My issue is more with the husband than the wife, although it does make me mad that they are forced to go through this.


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