Cammo Style Love: An actual post about my life...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

An actual post about my life...

I just realized that I haven't actually done this in awhile. I think that's why I started blogging, but then started having so much fun doing everything else that I think I forgot. But, boy, do I really need it. Do you ever feel like you're swimming in a sea of something you don't want to be swimming in, alone and frustrated? I feel like that. I know that I am far from alone, but it doesn't take much to make one feel like that. I have so many wonderful friends and the most amazing family that a girl could ask for. But why is it that the dark always seem to overshadow the good? I find myself in a situation that isn't something that I want to be, nor really think I deserve. Yes, there are always things people (including myself) could have done, or do differently, said differently and what not. I don't know exactly how a lot of it happened for sure. I felt like it got out of hand before I had even realized it. I've been talking to some of my other friends and have learned I'm not alone in this. I've seen it happen time and time again. I think it just comes with being human. We all have feelings, emotions, thoughts and ideas that we come to the table with. Baggage of varying kinds, past hurts and things like that. I know that I do. But I also know that I'm a good person, that I don't stab people in the back, I don't spread lies or rumors, and that I'm loyal to a fault. It is probably the most horrendous thing to doubt, once tride and true friendships. Okay, its not the worst thing in the world, but for dramatic effect you know what I mean. And boy does the internet make things worse. Facebook and email and texting and messaging....man, things are said, or so very plainly not said, over these devices. It's like a barrier behind which one can shout things at the top of their lungs but not be required to really defend what they are saying. Its like a he said/she said game. And those caught in the cross-fire have to decide who they are going to believe. Then there are those that simply step back completely because they don't want to deal and leave others in a lurch trying to decide, "okay, what is going on over here?" Sometimes I hold it in too long and then explode in a giant word vomit on a random status update. I know!!! It's so horrible!!!! I hate myself for it, but then again, I don't. I'm not sure who is worse, more for letting it carry on or them for not just ripping the band-aid off in one fail swoop. I feel like I'm being forced to make a decision to end something that I don't want to end, that I don't understand.....and frankly I just don't want to make that decision. I feel like I should and some days I want to!! But why can't I? Why can't I just rip it off? There isn't any point in keeping it on? I'm just torturing myself and do they really care either way? Then again, if they don't care then why do they keep me around, in whatever limited form they are keeping me around? I feel so confused and that, perhaps, is the reason why I don't feel like I can make a decision. I feel so uncertain about all of it. So I guess I just wanted to write it all out, hope for an amazing opportunity for myself to be rid of things or for that choice to be taken out of my hands.


But anyway, gosh I feel so much better! This blogging thing works man! So on to happier things! Check out some amazing blog hops and please please please check out my giveaway! oh and a couple new things on I made :) contact me on my facebook design page if you're interested :)












Bassgiraffe's Thoughts Thursday Blog Hop

The Two Savvy Sisters


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Thanks everyone and have a fabulous Thursday!!!!!

6 comments:

  1. Thanks for stopping by Jeremiah 29:11 and leaving such sweet words for me!!! I'm your latest follower, too. This post really spoke to my heart because it is exactly how I've been feeling about some "friends" in my own life!!!

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  2. it's so great to blog and relieve stress and things that get bottled up....glad you feel better now:)

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  3. I am so sorry to read that you are struggling right now, Rheanna. The most difficult decision you have to make is to let things go, whether it is a hurt by someone, a comment made, or a person in particular. I hope that things get better for you! Big hugs to you!

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  4. Thank you everyone for the encouraging words!!! And thanks for following me Deb!

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  5. Following you back from the hop. Hope to see you around soon at Meatless Meals For Meat Eaters

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  6. sometimes, it just feels good to get it out and into the open. Hang in there sweetie, youre doing a good job!

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